it just makes me sad

everything about having a baby should be in its own way joyful

i know in many ways i felt so far removed from it, i couldn't express joy
it's like i couldn't catch my breath

first i had a footling breech position for my baby
then gush - pprom
easy but quick labour
to end with an emergency c-section
i've learned that a 34 weeker in the rarest of breech positions just doesn't have a good shot at survival unless he is cut out

and i felt cut and damaged
and sometimes still do
behind tears
behind the sweetness
is the sadness

not so much about the nicu
my little c triumphed and got outta there more quickly than anticipated

but the c section

i have the ugly hypertrophic scar, adorned by now-white stretch marks to show for it

i don't think there is always some great reason behind things, i mean for me, the medical files state - reason for prematurity - medically unknown
and that is the sign
sometimes it just is

but the c section is more than just a physical scar
it is the loss of a dream
it is a mark that says life really isn't fair sometimes
it is a red and angry line that screams this is not how i wanted it to be, why why why did my body fail me?
and it is a lot of tears
not for the healing on the surface
but how tenuous, how irritable, how raw it is below.

a very dear friend has just had an emergency c-section
and in those tears of joy, past the time of shock, she may feel the gash of sadness
the medically-necessary inflicted wounds
that make healing the mind's heart a very difficult task

i wish her peace
i wish her joy in this odd way of initiation into motherhood
i wish her love and support

another bit /bite from the us election front

sometimes politicians can make you vexed enough to just want to bite their heads off. mmm yummy - these might make it worth it to do so...

ummm...i don't remember this cabbage patch doll...

Seems that some smarty-pants came up with the idea to create one-of-a-kind cabbage patch dolls of the pres and vp candidates in the us and will auction them off on e-bay. a money maker? maybe.

definitely, super-creepy. would you want your child in bed with a politician...even if it is in the form of a cabbage patch kid?!


http://images.ctv.ca/gallery/photo/election_oddities_081027/image10.jpg

neighbourhood gems

i really love living in a downtown neighbourhood
especially when it comes down to food
and being close to both chinatown and little italy make it a wealth of local restaurants at my doorstep.
in chinatown, it has taken a while to cull through the glut of restaurants to pick out faves but here they are -

(all of these restaurants are on somerset between bronson and preston streets

best chinese - jo moon ting (at rochester
really authentic hong kong style food - and a pure gem to find in ottawa
i am not a fan of congee, but their other soups are just delicious
this is THE place to get the best crispy beef
also, their thick noodle dishes are almost all universally good
almost all asian clientele, and no forks or knives anywhere in sight

ben ben restaurant (kind of like a more upscale jo moon ting - at cambridge
ben ben has these show-stopping sizzling plates - and they are just yum!
also, one of my fave dishes in the neighbourhood is made here - squid in black bean sauce

chu shing (also at cambridge
this is like the big family restaurants you see in hong kong
it's not fancy - well in parts it's even kitschy
but this is an affordable dim sum place with a largely asian clientele
and its a good way to try out new dishes
really like their shrimp shu mai here

new pho bo ga la (2 min walk from my doorstep
this is a great pho restaurant
if you are ever there our family favourite is s7
and they make really good vietnamese shakes - steve loves the avocado one, and i like the coconut one -mmmmmmm

vietnamese palace (slightly upscale - just after booth
unlike most asian restaurants, this one has a small patio. it also has an updated, lovely interior - partly because of the big fire at somerset and booth that destroyed housing and several restaurants on the block
it's lovely
the service is great
and at only a buck or two more a dish - this "splurge" is less expensive than most inexpensive restaurants in the city

northern han (between preston and rochester
now this restaurant reminds me of beijing!
classic dumplings, and bare decor
but really delicious
and you can buy dumplings frozen and ready to steam, boil or fry at home

seasons pizza (was at booth - soon to be at rochester
this was another casualty of the big fire, but during a walk steve and i saw a sign at rochester that seasons was coming back! i love this pizza joint - i am not a big pizza fan, but this place was always generous with toppings which made it nearly a meal on its own! steve spoke with the owner and it should be open this week! yay!

sushi 88 - this is a splurge, but it's the only decent sushi place within a 20min walk. it's always fresh and beautifully presented, even for takeout!

so that is, in essence, a round up of my fave restaurants within a 3-4 minute walk from home.

making your own deodorant

i found this recipe on a discussion board at mothering.com and slightly modified it
it works really well, and i've nicknamed it my b.o. balm (so it sounds like b.o. bomb)

am sharing it...you mix it all in a small bowl and use a small glass jar with a lid to put it in (my last batch is just running out and i made it 5 months ago!

2 tbsp each of coconut oil
shea butter
baking soda
cornstarch

plus 6 drops of essential oil (i liked sweet orange for the last batch)

in love with my new siggy!

this was made by ashley at sweet graphic memories...and i love it!!!! ok it should be animated but blogger doesn't like that!

the last days of indian summer

...a la gatineau park - where the shield meets the lowlands in fall colour splendour

fall

gatineau park - oct 5