when i knew i could cook

the early part of my life i had a stunning lack of confidence in my ability to cook
i grew up with a mom who was a trained chef
and my dad who cooked a lot on weekends
i had an older sister who seemed to have always been gifted at making trifle
and a younger sister who was secure in her abilities

but not me

i would joke about it
knock myself around with a few good self-insults
i suppose i was afraid i wouldn't measure up if i tried
i didn't want to fail
i was good at other things

so when i moved out
lived on my own
went away
i found i could do more than boil an egg
i didn't burn the pasta
i was on a limited budget, and not knocking k-d, but i didn't want to eat that way
i started cooking for other cash-strapped student friends
we would pool our funds and create frugal feasts

and i smiled and enjoyed and loved it
i could cook
but that was for my newer friends

for my older friends
it was when i hosted a "gourmet" dinner when i was 24
i made lots of appetizers including glazed meatballs
i made a supper of chicken in a sour dough and spinach concoction
and...it was divine!
i put love on a plate and shared it with my life-friends
and they embraced it.

for my family
it was a pad thai i made when i was 23
my mom asked for the recipe
that was the highest compliment to me
i had passed

i could cook
i could create food memories
and i do